hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
