So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
