Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
