two words: eviction party
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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