I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
