the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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