my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
