I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
