Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
