It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
