I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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