I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
