Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
