Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have fence marks all over my body