Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.