Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(094): View more from

After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.

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(231): View more from Michigan

who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(989): View more from Michigan

Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.

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(714): View more from California

I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.

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(801): View more from Utah

My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this

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