The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If its not for food we ain't going out.