well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
