I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
not ubering you a puppy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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