I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
