I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
