if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
