Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
