I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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