I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
