I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
