You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
