Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
