end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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