Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
