Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
