Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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