I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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