I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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