You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
