dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
