you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
