: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
