my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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