a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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