i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
