another moral hangover. fuck.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
