dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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