i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
