you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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