Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
