About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
