I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
nutella sex= disaster
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
