I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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