You were right. It hurts to walk today.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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