The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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