We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
