3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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