you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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