Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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