Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
