If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
