Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
