I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
