If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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