hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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