i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize