I can't breathe out the right side of my face
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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