Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
