The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
