there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
