Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this will be a night to untag.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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