some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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