If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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