girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
