yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I smell stomach acid.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize