I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
