I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
