I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
