Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did I show you my penis last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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