You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
